How Are You Mommy? An Open Letter To Mommies Out There
Written By: Bosky Singh, Moms on Maternity Columnist.
Dear Dear Mommies,
How are you doing today? Yes, I am asking you all. How are you? I am not asking how are the kids or hubby but plain and simply how are you doing my dear mommies? How was your day? Was it good or not so good or one of those days when you feel like, What am I doing and/or you need a good cry? (I know I have had a few of those.)
Very often, I have seen people around us asking how are the kids, how are things but how many of them take the pain of really knowing how are we doing? A couple of months ago my hubby was on tour, my little guy was down with a fever and I was left alone juggling between work and household chores with a sick, cranky kid. I was getting calls asking how’s the baby? Do you need any help? But what stirred my heart was when I got a text from my sister asking, ’how are you doing mommy?,… nobody ever asks that?’ It was such an overwhelming moment cause I was wanting someone to ask me that. I needed to feel that someone was interested in knowing how I the mommy doing? Maybe it was a selfish thing to feel so but we mommies too are humans and we are allowed to have such feelings too from time to time. That was a moment of a mommy reaching out to another mommy and that feeling stayed with me. I can still feel it and it makes me feel a thousand things at the same time. It was that one line that has inspired me to write today's letter to you all.
When we become mothers we give a huge chunk of ourselves emotionally and physically and we love it. But raising kids is like laying the groundwork for a new battle every day and it is overwhelming. In those times we need someone asking us ‘How are you doing?’ Getting asked that question is a beautiful thing. It makes you feel like you matter, that you exist and above all, someone is ready to give you their ear, another person is ready to listen. And I believe keeping things in your heart does not do you any good, maybe you just want to vent - so do so! Mind you nobody is going to judge you, we all have had OFF DAYS or one of those days we just want to rant. It doesn’t make us any less of a mama. It makes us even better mamas cause we are ready to take that extra step. Keeping those negative feelings in is not doing you or the kids any good.
And mommies please never have that MOM GUILT. Mom guilt has become so common in our society and we all go through this guilt stage from time to time. Therapists often link that with the mental health of the mommies. When we always have that persistent nagging feeling in our mind that we are not doing enough as mothers it’s the mom's guilt. We all make mistakes, we all want to do the best for our kids but we too are human and we need to accept that. There are only so many hours in a day. The first step is accepting the situation and the second is what we can do about it? There are going to be days when you are going to miss out on a soccer practice or a dance rehearsal cause of some unforeseen reason or maybe you fell asleep out of exhaustion without feeding the baby. Acceptable! But don’t let ugly claws of guilt creep into your mind. Try to overcome it.
“There will be so many times when you feel like you’ve failed. But in the eyes, heart, and mind of your child you are super mom.” - Stephanie Precourt
Don’t you all agree with that? It is true. We all are navigating our boats through unchartered waters and it's tough and we don’t know whether we are stirring it in the right direction and it scares us. All the more reason to have someone asking us, How are you doing mommy?’ So tell me mommy dears How Are You?
When my little guy was two I started taking Reiki healing lessons and got intonated as well. In one of the lessons, my Reiki Master (Guru) made me practice the vent out therapy. We used to shout at the top of our voices for a good few minutes. The trick was to get those negative feelings, the anxiety we have in our minds and get them out of our system by yelling. We were to think those negative feelings were then absorbed by nature. Ladies it works. I still practice it from time to time and it relaxes and calms you. It is serene even though it is physically exhausting to shout. Try it – yell into a pillow – it’s just a quick fix when nobody is asking How are you, mama?
One thing I have observed is that we mommies are wired differently as compared to daddies. Those constant worries and that anxiety which we feel, dads generally don't. I am not saying they love or care for our kids any less but it is just how mothers are. Maybe that’s why it's said we belong to different planets. Daddies seem to have a different, cool fun approach and moms have that emotional approach.
Imagine the scenario of a kid fetching an ice cream for his father and then he trips on something. What would the mom say,’ Are you ok, honey? And the Dad would say something like,’ I hope you didn’t drop my ice cream.’
That’s how different we are and the major emotional needs of our kids are taken care of, by us mothers which at times get exhausting, and at a certain point, it starts taking a toll on our emotional well-being. Worrying is like second nature to moms. Someone rightly said, ”behind every kid is a mother who constantly thinks she is gonna screw up.” But it only proves you are doing a super job.
Here I am signing off for now. Much love & kisses, A Mamma just like you.
WRITTEN BY:
Bosky Singh is Mom to one boy aged 4. She is a regular columnist for Moms on Maternity.